This post is sponsored by Molly Claire Coaching.
January may the month of new beginnings, resolutions, and goal-setting, but for many, this time of year is tied into new relationship statuses and the beginning of their divorce journey. January is known in legal communities as “The Divorce Month” with filings jumping by as much as one-third.
For many newly single parents, with one final holiday as a united family behind them and a year of adjustment looming ahead, January can bring feelings of defeat, fear, and uncertainty.
Especially for men and women who have been married for several decades, divorce and all of the changes that come with it to families and households can be accompanied by incredible stress and anxiety.
Fortunately, life coaches like Molly Claire focus on helping clients through times like these. While Molly has a special passion for helping Mormon women through divorce and other significant life changes, her advice and insight is valuable for all newly single parents.
After a divorce, especially one that has taken place right after the buzz of the holidays, there are some common things you’ll experience, so here are some emotional responses to expect,” Molly says.
Fear and Doubt
Be ready… it’s completely normal to be overcome with fear. Financial fear – especially if you’ve had some level of financial dependence on a spouse; “Mom” fear – fear about how you can help your kids through the transition and worry about how they’ll handle it. You may also experience personal fear – fear about being alone or fear about whether you can make it on your own without a partner by your side.
With so many decisions to make and things to do as you’re charting new territory, it can be easy to get stuck as you wonder what to do first. Finances, custody, housing, and other details become major issues for many newly single parents. And maybe if you and your partner had the habit of splitting household tasks, you’ve never dealt with certain responsibilities before. With the emotional turmoil you’re feeling, basic decisions become overwhelming.
Anger and Blame
With so many emotions swirling, it becomes so easy to blame your former spouse. No one enjoys dealing with divorce and rebuilding normalcy. Molly says,
Often that frustration leaves us wanting to blame someone and your spouse is an easy target. But it’s a good idea to find other solutions and outlets for those emotions. The blame will build up even more anger, which will only have a negative impact on you and your kids and make the entire situation more difficult.”
Try realizing that…
- What you’re experiencing now won’t last forever. The strong negative emotions which overwhelm you at times…will pass. As you go through the grieving process and work toward moving forward, you’ll have resolution to many of those feelings. You will be able to heal. The finances, your kids, your personal life… you’ll make small steps in each area over time. When it comes to all of the legal and financial decisions, remain in the present and ask yourself what one small step you can take today. One small step at a time is all it takes.
- It’s wisest to choose solutions over blame. No matter what anyone did, the blame game is not useful to you or anyone. It doesn’t solve problems and it only makes the situation worse for everyone. Entertain the idea that it doesn’t matter how you got where you are. What matters is the best solution in this moment. Challenge yourself to be emotionally mature and choose solutions that best serve everyone in the long term. Ask yourself what your ultimate goals are rather than what just feels “fair” in the moment.
- You deserve the best support you can get. Molly’s coaching practice is dedicated to helping women navigate the process of divorce while stepping into the role of becoming a single mom.
Trust experts to assist and guide you… Reach out to an expert on finance to see what input they have. Interview several lawyers to see who is the best fit. Connecting with a trusted realtor and lender is also a good idea. (Molly has many referrals to offer, should you need them.)
Keep in mind that this team of experts isn’t just about sorting out the logistics. It’s about feeling a sense of support and having confidence that you can make the right decisions on your own going forward.
Don’t forget to reach out to family and friends too. Let them know how they can support you and your family through the transition.”
Ready to start your 2018, and the beginning of your single parent journey, with confidence? Schedule a mini-session with Molly to discuss your first steps or sign up for her 8-week divorce guide program. Molly’s goal with each mini session is to provide the client with a single step or small solution for forward momentum.
Molly’s coaching helps newly divorced women begin healing, create a positive relationship with their ex, release anger and resentment, feel confident in being a single mom, and create a fresh start. 2017 may have ended in divorce, but 2018 can begin with sparkle!