The things kids say...


Diamond Member
I was just chuckling to myself something my 10year said over Spring break. We were at a swanky dinner with my husbands boss. First time he's meeting my kids, so they were prepping to be excellent. We sat down to dinner, my 10yr old sits at the head of the table. The waiter tells him "you know, it's customary that whoever sits at the head of the table, pays for dinner?"

My son turns to him calmly "no worries, I have $25 Target gift card. I got this".

I've got one. The grandparents came to visit over Spring Break and the whole family was playing Trivial Pursuits Family edition. One of the questions my twins got was, "What hormone is released when you are afraid?" The choices were insulin, adrenaline and serotonin. One of my twins says, "Oh, I've got's pee!"
We were attending Mass at St. Mark's Plano and during communion the Heir turns to his Grandmother and says" Nanny, did you know I have a penis?".


Silver Member
We were at McDonalds and my then 5 yr old daughter was at the counter, looks up at the cashier and says "My mom says your food has bones in it"


Triple Platinum
Way back when, when mine was learning bigger words, some pronunciations came out funny.

She once proudly proclaimed to her grandma that we were going to the "whoreport to take a plane to Dizzyland to see Tigger and Pigtit"


Triple Platinum
Then there's the time she and her mom were at a Target, around 1996 or 1997. She was riding in the kid part of the cart. They passed the games section and my daughter said, "mommy,'s Daddy's game," pointing to a Nintendo setup.

Her mom said, "yes," and asked, "do you know what it's called?"
To which my daughter loudly proclaimed, "Oh f-word". LOL I got a call at my office. I was in trouble.
Apparently that's what I'd utter when playing when I thought no ears were around. :)


Diamond Member

A few months ago I bought myself a pair of earrings and for some unknown reason thought my kid would notice when he came home from school.

Sat across from table:
Me: "notice anything different about me?"
10yr old: "you look pretty?"
Me: grrrrrrrr
10yr old: "I seem to have upset you, let me try it emotional or physical?"
Me. Nevermind


Silver Member
We took our kids (ages 2,3 and 4) to see Bambi, at the point of Bambi's mom telling him to run the whole theater is dead quite when a shot rings out and my sweet three year old boy loudly yells 'Oh, she's dead!!!!' All we heard for several minutes were the little kids asking their parents 'Who's dead?' then a lot of crying. We hung our heads after the movie ended but we were laughing (on the inside) because how could we not?


Bronze Member
My daughter (now 4) recently got in trouble for drawing on the bar stool with marker. I got on to her then later overheard her talking to someone in the bathroom. Then I realized she was praying. "Jesus, please don't let me do that anymore."
My nephew is going to be 3 years old next month. The other day, he was here (and so was my Dad) and I proclaimed that I was going to go take a shower.

Him: Ooooh! Can I go take a shower with you??
Me: Nooo....sorry buddy!
Him: When I'm an old man I can shower with you??
Me: Uhh...I'm pretty sure when you're an old man you won't want to shower with me.
Him: But I LOVE YOU! I'll always want to shower with you!


Silver Member
When my youngest DD was born she had huge rolls for thighs, the doctor first thought she was a boy until she flipped her over and saw she was a girl (seriously they were huge) . My mom would pinch her thighs and tell her she 'got her fatbags', I'm not sure if mom made them bigger or what but at 4 years old she still had 2 rolls at the top of her thighs. My mom still pinched them but the last time she did this was the day my DD went school went upto her teacher, lifted her uniform and asked her if she wanted to pinch her fatbags. Needless to say I got a call from the teacher asking what was a fatbag and who has been pinching my DD. I worked for the school and was extremely embarrassed trying to explain what a fatbag was. I told my mom never again.


Double Platinum
My 6 year old and I were in the kitchen when he grabbed the lid of a nearby pot and put it on my head. He then proclaimed loudly, "Hey, look! Mommy's a pot head!" To which my 14 and 16 year olds burst out laughing and my 12 and 9 year olds asked, "What's so funny about that?"

Two weeks before that, my 12 year old turned in a "best vacation memory" essay in which he wrote about our trip out to California, and how what he enjoyed the most was watching his Mommy gamble (in Vegas).

Lord only knows what they think of me at my kids' school.:facepalm:

One more: Two years ago we remodeled our master bath and put two shower heads in our new shower. Months later in the course of conversation one day, my then four year old mentioned how he didn't like it when Daddy and I showered together because then there was no shower for him.

My then 14 year old suddenly joins the conversation saying, "Wait, what? You and Daddy shower together?"

I said, "Well, yes...sometimes if we both need to get ready at the same time we do. Why else do you think we put in two shower heads?"

She said, "I don't know. I always thought that was just stupid. Now I think it's stupid AND gross." :rolllaugh: Oh, that kid!
My DD was about five or six and would ask us tons of questions, "Why is the sky blue and what is marshmallow made of?" We eventually gave up and said, "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," just to get rid of the hassle.

Move forward to Grandma babysitting. DD asks for something. Grandma says, "We have to ask your parents first." DD replies, "Don't ask them! They don't know anything!"

True story.
My nephew is at the point in toddlerhood where he enjoys taking the top off of his sippy cups. When he isn't looking, I tend to tighten them so he can't get them off.

He was trying to get a lid off the other day and I told him he put it on too tight and I couldn't get it off...I asked him to show me his muscles, and he did. I asked him where he got his big muscles from and he looked up at me, dead serious and said "Target, aisle 7, next to the bread!"


Platinum Member
My older kid had just seen or read the Diary of a whimpy kid so I in the car he was asking us to get it.

Him:Mom, Dad, can we get diarrhea of a chubby kid?
Me (because the wife was crying so hard in laughter): Um, I'm sorry what.
He repeated.
ME Um, don't you mean Diary of a whimpy kid.
Him: Yeah that's it, same thing.

Um, yeah no it's not.

DC Lady

Double Platinum
Must add to this :) Kids crack me up!

I run in home childcare and have for about 15 years... I have seen and heard so many funny things over the years from toddlers.
I had several kids eating lunch outside one day and I heard the kids discussing, of all things, Jesus. I couldn't make out the topic but then this happened....
"My Jesus"
"No, MY Jesus"
"No! My Jesus!"
"Noooo, My Jesus!"
I was wondering how they would settle it but it just went on...
I finally had to interrupt them and tell them "There is enough Jesus to go around...we can all have Jesus!"

And even the older kids say funny stuff....
My own 15 yr old son and 12 yr old son were talking in the car the other day..
One of them said "We should have had more kids". (yes, he said WE. LOL).
The other son agreed, and then they said WE should adopt. (again with the WE)
My 12 yr old said "yeah, we should adopt a 15 year old girl".
My 15 yr old said "No! Are you crazy?! We need to adopt a 15 year old boy. Every one of my friends that has a sister HATES them!"



Platinum Member
Kid: Mom what's that?

Mom: It's an old lady shirt?

Kid: Or a young ladies dress - it works for me!

It's good to know that fat lady (hide my behind) long tunics look much better on young bodies as short dresses.
My 7 y/o dd: "Mom do you think you could get your uterus back or even a different uterus and have another baby?"
Me: No honey I cannot just go and get a uterus from somewhere and have a baby. Why do you want me to have a baby?
DD: Well I don't want you to have a normal baby I want you to have a zombie baby
DD: Yeah so when I hit my brother I won't get in trouble because I can just blame it on the zombie brother

I can pretty much guarantee that if I did get my uterus back I would have a zombie baby. :bad:


Gold Member
While driving with my 9 year old son in the car, I hear from the back seat, "Oh gross! Spit roasted chicken! Who would eat that?" as we were driving past Whiskey Cake. I turned and looked at the signage and it said "spit roasted chicken". I had to explain what a spit was in between keeping my laughter under control.
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